if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ruined the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize