I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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