My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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