The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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