Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize