I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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