i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize