I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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