I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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