My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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