Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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