i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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