Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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