got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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