Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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