fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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