I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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