Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize