He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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