dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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