I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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