if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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