And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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