I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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