my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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