Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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