A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize