Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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