I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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