dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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