Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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