I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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