Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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