i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1046 607 share tweet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize