just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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