I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize