Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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