please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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