how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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