She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize