all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize