Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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