is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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