His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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