I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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