I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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