The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it's like iHOP with fire
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize