I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize