Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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