and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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